Monday, December 14, 2015

HI

It's almost end of the year. And I am looking forward to 2016. I am still feeling a little blue though.

HI

It's almost end of the year. And I am looking forward to 2016. I am still feeling a little blue though.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Confused

I don't know if I have done the right thing. It feels like I have compromised myself just for the sake of so-called friendship. It made me question a lot of things. Sure I was right when I confronted and asked was wrong. The answer was obviously immature and out of my hands. What I'm not sure is, I said is to pretend like nothing happened and start over. I felt like I compromised. I felt like I gave in to a manipulative tactic. Sure she says she doesnt prevent me from doing stuff with other people, but she has to distance herself from me. Clearly, this is jealousy. I tried to assure that I won't ditch, but it seems wrong. It feels one-sided. Well since she said she shouldnt prevent me from doing stuff im still gonna go with some people I liked. If I get another cold treatment, well, it's time to rethink about things.

I hope that will be the last time I'm chasing.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Sunday

Today, I decided to do a bit of jogging after being on hiatus from "work out" for almost two months. Been gaining weight (again), due to the past few weeks of eating out. I can feel my thigh grew bigger as I struggled to put on my pants.

Mom is on vacation, and I am missing her, despite our everyday bickering sessions. It's just me and Dad again. So, back to errand duties, I guess.

I seriously need some motivation so I can budget my expenses and finally reach that target number.

I've been struggling but obviously I overspend with food. I should probably just stick to budget meals until then.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Going Freelance

I had this idea of trying freelance work for the following reasons:

-To have a source of income, should I decide to quit my job/got fired/account closed and I don't have a new one lined up (extra cash too)
-To use it as as my platform for developing writing skills. I still haven't forgotten about that dream of having my work getting published.

So, it's been a month since I started setting up my online accounts. It's like job hunting all over again, but this time, I am working directly with clients. I am working from home. While it seems like a liberating feeling, it's not as easy as it seems. In fact I am having some second thoughts. But it's still worth trying. Here are some of my realizations:


-I need to market myself
-I need to identify all the skills I can put to good use
-I need to be patient as offers doesnt come often
-I need to take this seriously
-I need to set a time of how much I can do
-I need to find a workspace


Yep! the last one is very important. You cannot work on your bed, I guarantee that. So with all these things, I have set some guidelines for myself. And some kind of a deadline/trial period. Hopefully, something good will come out of this.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Change

They say nothing is permanent in this world-except for change. It happens, either for the good or the bad. Sometimes, we have no choice but to embrace it. For some, they welcome it with arms wide open. 


I've been thinking about changing a part of my life- but I've been too afraid to leave my comfort zone. All the fears are making me think twice whether or not I should take the risk. Yet, I know if I stay where I am, I might end up more than just being miserable. All these paranoia is taking a toll on me. Suddenly, all I could think of right now is to have some time-out/time off and reflect. The only thing that's stopping me is money. I have some fund stashed away, but it can only last for a while. I need to make sure that when I'm ready to go back, I won't be begging anyone for financial support. Ayokong maging pabigat sa kahit kanino. But how am I gonna do this? There's one thing I could think of. In fact I have already started. Maybe I should think of a plan B. I've got five months to do this. I can do this. 

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Thank you

Thank you, Lord, for giving me another day, another year to live. Im not feeling as good as I should be, but I know that I am blessed. I'm sorry if I have overlooked on those things that matter.

I had a wonderful vacation. As much as I want to extend. I know I have to face the reality. I have a dilemma to resolve. This may be a risky move, but at this moment, it seems like a good idea. 

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Art of Gratitude

Things to be thankful for:

-Healthy Parents
At this age, I should spend more time with them, while they're still around. I should be thankful that they are still here.
-Healthy relationship
I'm thankful that he can tolerate my mood swings. I know we love each other, including our own faults. And we only do online PDA when we feel like it, not every single day.
-TRUE friends
Yes, a handful of true friends, tried and tested over time. I may not have real friends at work, but at least I am contented that I have someone I can count on in real life, and outside of work.

Sunday Slowdown

Hanging out at a milk tea place (yes it's safe) on a Sunday. There's an internet connection at home and it's pretty fast, yet I chose to go out. Not because I hate it there. I just wanted to stay in a place where I can concentrate. I need to get my mind working, "creative juices" flowing." And yes hopefully, to start resolving personal issues that has been bugging me for quite some time.

Maybe, I just need to adjust my perspective. I just need to change how I view the world. I need to be more definitive of my own views and not just settle, or be agreeable just to keep peace. I've hung out, tolerated negative actions of people, even though they go against my will, because I was too afraid to speak, to differ them. It's not that I've kept silent. I have said my piece, but was just too afraid to breakaway, distance myself. I've come to a point of codependency (some call it clingy). The result? It all backfired on me. I'm thankful though that it happened.

I could go on and wallow, but I'll save that on my personal space. Right now, I want some action. I want some changes to be made. Not overnight. I know change take months or even years to happen. I just want to be busy, I won't even care about office gossip (or if people are talking about me) and other trivial matters. This has been the nth attempt, so far. But I hope this won't be the last. I just dont want to be the dead fish anymore.


My agenda for now, is to identify what I really want, what to do on it, and push myself to stick with whatever plan I may come up.

Friday, May 8, 2015

I recently feel like i am being tested. My laptop broke down on me and seems like it could be beyond repair. I am contemplating having it fixed or buying a new one. But shelling out money isnt that easy when i have plans for continuing education.

I am trying my best to save up, but recently it seems my weakness always win. I can go on months without shopping or pampering. But i am a having a hard time cutting down on food. Food. FOOD.

I cant last for two weeks without dining out. I feel deprived when all i would eat is sulit meals, just to cut down on expenses. Bringing baon to work somehow help, but not enough to stop me.

I guess i need to have a clear goal for saving. Saving for "future" seems too vague.


Right now, i am narrowingmy choices to whether i would save up for an out of the country trip or a car.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Money and Life

Lately, I have been too worried about many things, most specifically, about money. I've been feeling like I need to do something, not just to have a steady flow of income, but increase in significant amount in shortest time, possible. I found myself crying over, with a feeling that I am stuck in a rut, no growth whatsoever. I knew something is wrong here. So I Google-d on something about money and obsession. Here's what I found most interesting:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-a-dedman/stop-obsessing-over-money_b_4780100.html


It basically encompasses the cliche phrases, which in are easier said than done. Sometimes, It's good to read articles like this to remind myself that there's more to life than just earning money. And that the point of earning it, is to spend it. It's just a matter of for whom or what we use it for.

I hope I made some sense on that last line.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Dreams

I was outside out house when I saw this kitten just across the street. Just as I was about to approach the animal, he went straight to me and started biting my hands. Naturally I pulled away and backed off. To my astonishment and fear, the kitten went after me and kept biting and scratching my foot. I tried to run as I was already bleeding, but the kitten was quite aggressive....




Then I found myself waking up from a rather morbid dream. I usually look up over the internet what possible (psychological) implications it may be. Here's what I found from dreammoods.com :

Kitten 
To see a kitten in your dream represents a transitional phase toward independence. You are ready to explore new things that life has to offer. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes innocence and purity.

Bites 
To see a bite in your dream forewarns of danger from someone who wish you harm, either physical or financial. Be careful of people who surround you.
To dream that you are being bitten represents your vulnerability regarding some unresolved issues or emotions. You may be pestered by a problem or obstacle.The dream may also be a metaphor indicating that you have bitten off more than you chew. Perhaps you have too much to handle.


The highlighted phrases struck me most. Yes, I think I am open to other options...and I may have a lot on my plate lately, but I'd rather not talk about it in detail. 

Maybe I just need to relax because finally, it's weekend. :)

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Something Inspirational

I was just to go off my bed when I came across this. Proves not all millionaires live in a posh apartment, driving around in Audi and/or BMW. The rest of the lessons are for you to find out:




I just wanted to say that, if you are still having doubts about investment instuments such as stock market or make you feel these things are just for the "rich" people, this might help you re-think.


Thursday, February 26, 2015

Life doesn't always turn out what I wanted to be. And that's part of growing up. Sometimes, I go on for something then realizing it may not be what I really wanted to do. At this point, all I wanted to do is to just stop and reflect about everything. I need to clear my head and I need some sense of motivation to pursue whatever I want. I need that driving force for me to work hard for it.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

That Thing Called "Tadhana"

... Or "That Thing called 'T@#$%^!.' Yup, since it's more of an 'indie' film-type, expect cussing from time to time in the movie. I finally got a chance to see it, and what was the fuzz all about. SPOILERS AHEAD.

The story starts with a sobbing Mace in the airport trying and failing to meet baggage limit. A random guy, Anthony goes to her and offers a bit of help. That's where the sort-of-adventure starts.

At the beginning, I was a little worried with Mace. I mean seriously, first of all they should be heading straight home! Instead, she decided to eat-drink-cry-repeat the nights away with a random stranger. What if Anthony is a murderer??? Okay, OA aside, I kinda understood her. After a long-time relationship she invested in failed, all she needs is some company to cry on. I laughed at the part where Anthony said "Sasamahan ba kita kung hindi ka chicks?" something to that effect. The moves din tong si kuya eh.

I would say this movie is quite simple but has delivered its substance effectively. The main character represented thousands of people who are and have suffered the painful process of break-up. It was NEVER easy, and I can attest to that. One famous 'hugot' topic got me was about if you love someone, go for it, fight for it. Don't rely on fate, chance, circumstance for that person to come on your doorstep. I guess, that one doesn't just apply in relationship, but also for any other purpose we want to pursue in life.

In terms of the story line and execution, this is one of the Filipino movies you wish you'd often see in cinemas. Most specifically during film fest season.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Monday, January 19, 2015

I really had a blast this long weekend. Well it was kinda long for me, cause I was able to make a leave on a Friday. I'm glad I gave it a try cause that trip it was well worth it. And even if I was one of the others who didn't went to the city to see the Pope, I still feel blessed. The mere fact that he visited here was a blessing enough. I just hope that those uhm... leaders will feel humbled.

Anyway, that trip up North was sort of impromptu. I wasn't even expecting I'd go because Friday was a holiday and you know how hard it can be to make a leave on a holiday. So... yey! It was the third time to go up there (this time, with a transpo), but I still haven't explored a lot of places. It was my first time to drop by PMA, Teacher's camp (a little scary, but fully booked) Camp John Hay (actually we just passed by), Strawberry farm and of course, La Presa. Been to Burnham, but it was the only time I get to ride on a bike-a tandem bike, cause I don't know how to bike on my own (sucks!).

Side note: My boyfriend and I had no idea what and where La Presa is, until my aunt told it was the setthing/location of the ongoing series Forevermore His family knows about it too, and wanted to see the place as well. Its real name is Sitio Pungayan, at the town of Tuba, Benguet. It is at the top part of the hill, near that Huge satellite and radar. With its growing popularity because of the said show. Most tourists are now flocking up there to, I guess, have that "Forevemore" experience. It was pretty cold up there, 14 degrees celsius to be exact. And since the place has increasingly gained fame, some vendors are up there to take opportunity. Even the owners of the adorable St. Bernard. Don't expect loads of straweberries though. I'm not sure if there is an area for them, but is restricted. cause all we saw are fields of potatoes. Yep, potatoes. Potato, potato.

It was perfect timing for the trip, because it was the coldest months (December-February?). Im telling you, if you wanna do some layering and/or wear your boots it's the perfect place to do it. The only thing that I don't like is taking a shower. Even if there is a heater. But I have to, cause I don't want to get stinky. I also get to pick fresh strawberries at the farm- at a price. That farm has massive hectares of land (I don't know exactly how many) and we went to the farthest area, searching for areas where we can do picking. It was pretty much double the price of buying a kilo at the farm entrance. So, basically, I paid for the experience of hoarding fruits.

Do I want to go back there? Uhm, I sure do. I'm just scared of the uphill drive. Oh well, I guess every mode of travel has it's own risk.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Yes, I know it's Monday, and it can feel a little dragging. But I just wanted to say that I feel thankful for having a great weekend. Things may not always go as planned, but still made the most out of it. And thank God, I didn't feel much of the earthquake last Sunday. It was pretty scary. Anyway, It was way too cold outside, I feel like I'm somewhere out of the country. Kung pwede lang sana ganoon lagi ng weather sa Pilipinas...